dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
