turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
