u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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