This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
