Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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