Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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