I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this will be a night to untag.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
