I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We need to get me chipped asap
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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