I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
