god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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