reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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