Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
