now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
