At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A+ Viking dick
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