i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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