The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You've changed since you got that strap on
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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