I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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