I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
