I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
