I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize