i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize