well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
