I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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