After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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