and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
