I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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