This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
