I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
