I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
