dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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