Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
