so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
