Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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