Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
