Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
