i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
