he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
