I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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