He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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