Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
