I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
