My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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