This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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