Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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