How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My life is pants optional.
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