the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
