don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
