you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
