I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
