i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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