What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
