Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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