i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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