you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
