Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
