Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
