look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
