I wish I could teleport
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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