i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
