Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
