So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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