He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize