I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
