Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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