its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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