i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
