You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
