i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
