She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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