dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
