Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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