Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
