so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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