some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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