Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
